We decided to try for another baby & when I first found out I was expecting again I was mixed with emotions, Happy that I was pregnant but scared that something would happen again, I got to 10 weeks & told my family & my partner told his Mum, we started thinking of how we would set the room up etc, We had so many plans, We got to the 12 week scan & I can remember them putting the cold jelly on my tiny bump, then the lady said she couldn't see anything so would need to do an insertion which scared me, I went to empty my bladder & then came back into the room, she then tried again & finally found the baby, She said it was measuring at 7 weeks & not 12, my heart sank .... then the words that no Mother should have to hear " I can't find a heartbeat, I began crying, my partner began crying too, the lady came over & said I'm soo sorry and hugged me, I said I know it sounds silly but could I still have the scan photo as I didn't get the last one & she said of course & printed one off for me, I then had to go upstairs to decide what I wanted to do, I just wanted to get home as fast as I could so said I wanted it to happen naturally, they gave me the number in case I needed to go in, I then waited for the inevitable to happen, each day I would think will it be today, then one night I started getting really bad pains & I knew it was time, soon I would have to say goodbye to my baby again, soon enough after about 4 hours of pains I gave birth to my baby, I didn't dare look at it, I was too scared what I might see, now I wish I would of done, after it was all over I sat up crying it was gone midnight, the next day my partner & I said we should name the baby so again we looked up unisex names & choose the name Zane which means God's Gift, a couple of months later we got a teddy done for Zane & it was put in our bedroom looking over us, so now hopefully you can understand why I do the things that I do!